Thursday, November 20, 2014

Cozy Winter Essentials ♥

As I've ranted about a thousand times before, my life is incredibly stressful lately. Not that others don't have stressful lives! I've just been crazy overwhelmed and have barely had time to myself. It's work, study, sleep, repeat. That's just the way it goes when you're in this crazy (but rewarding!) profession. 

So one of the things that keeps me going is indulging in some cozy, comforting rituals. Here are some of the things I find most comforting this time of the year. 

Bath & Body Works Candles -- Marshmallow Fireside is uber scrumptious! 

Bath & Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar Body Butter

Nivea A Kiss of Milk & Honey Lip Balm

Bath & Body Works Cashmere Glow scent

Philosphy Shampoo, Shower Gel, & Bubble Bath

Hot Chocolate! 

Hot herbal or green tea

Starbucks holiday drinks -- especially Gingerbread Lattes!

Snuggly oversized wool sweaters

Fuzzy cozy woolen scarves

Holiday songs! -- thank you for the Pandora Christmas station!

Christmas decorations -- and Pinterest surfing for ideas

Holiday cooking and baking -- especially adorable gingerbread men cookies!

Wearing snuggly socks while relaxing and binge watching Netflix and football games with the family :)

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Rant of the Month

The one thing I hate more than anything about medical school is feeling unsure about everything. For example, I’m currently busting my ass off in my medicine rotation but always leave at the end of the day feeling dissatisfied and feeling like my best isn’t good enough. Bottom line, I’m not sure if busting my ass and working the hardest I can is going to earn me the top grade. I’m a pretty good, enthusiastic student but I still lack a lot in terms of my assessment/plan synthesis and oral presentations. I know it’s just school and I’m still learning, but being “pretty good, but not the best” won’t earn you top grades which is what really matters. And paired with my piss-poor Step 1 score, I’m scared that I won’t end up being a resident at my dream hospital, UPMC. I’m really scared that match day is going to come in 1 ½ years and I’m going to find out that I matched in my Top 3rd or 4th choice. I’m fighting so damn hard to reverse my Step 1 score and kick ass at my rotations, but it really sucks when my best isn’t good enough. And the worst part is that I’m dragging myself down day by day by day, but I don’t know what opinion my attending has of me. Maybe she hates me, maybe she thinks I’m a rockstar but I won’t know until my grade is full and final. I got above average on my mid-rotation feedback form, but I don’t know if I’ve shown myself to be good enough to get bumped up to Outstanding. I guess I will just have to come in terms with being above average and try not to drag myself down day by day for it. I can’t change who I am or my skillset. I can only work to keep pushing through and kicking ass the best I can. I hope that lands me the top grade, but if it doesn’t at least I gave it a good fight :)
Oh and not to mention, I got a fricken $45 ticket for parking at my own parking lot K I parked at the meters since all the permit-only spots were taken and therefore got a bunch of tickets. I appealed and I hope they accept it, but I’m really scared that they’ll reject it and I’m going to have to shell out $45. That’s going to be terrible! But hey, happy-go-lucky attitudes here. I have a good fighting chance and even if they get rejected, it’s only $45 and I know never to repeat that mistake again.

Anyway rant over. Hopefully going to get back to beauty blogging soon!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Fall/Winter Skincare Routine

Within the past few months I've completely changed around my skincare routine. It's not as aggressive as it used to be, but my skin is much more clearer than it used to be. I pretty much just wash my face in the morning, put on a BB cream (finally invested in one!!!), put some makeup on and at the end of the day, I just use makeup wipes to remove my makeup and go to bed. I haven't been moisturizing my skin at night, but that my change now that winter is coming up.

I've also changed most of the products I've been using. With so many new skincare products on the market, I figured it was time for a change. Here they are below!

That's it! These three products are all I have been using for the past one to two months and my skin has never been better! I'm not sure if it's because of the green tea scrub, if it's the fact that I don't use dirty makeup brushes anymore (thanks to my finger-application BB cream), or if I stopped using a comedogenic product...? I'm really not certain, but whatever it is about this routine, I'm going to be sticking to it for a while! The best part is that it's so quick and easy in the morning and takes me under five minutes to do.

Now that winter is coming up, I may add a few more moisturizing products to my regime. My skin is normally pretty okay in terms of hydration, but in the winter it just completely goes out of whack and cracks because of the cold weather. Here are some of the moisturizing products in my routine for extra hydration and supple skin:

Sunday, November 2, 2014

NOTW: Holiday Cheer

November is here, which means it's time to say goodbye to the fall season :( although winter doesn't officially begin until late December, once this month hits and Christmas stuff is in stock, I declare it's winter/holiday season in my book! Since I was in a festive mood this weekend (thanks to the red Starbucks cups and chilly weather), I decided to put on a festive nail color for the week! Revlon Nail Enamel in Saucy is a beautiful classic red nailpolish with fine gold glitter. It's one of my favorite nailpolishes for the holiday season because it's the perfect sparkly Christmas red, but it doesn't go overboard with the glitter. The sparkle is very fine, but still visible. It almost gives your nails a tinfoil-like appearance. Absolutely beautiful! I love the Revlon Nail Enamels, although I wish they lasted longer without chipping :( But this is definitely a unique nail color and I haven't really found an Essie or OPI dupe. The ones I have seen are more orangey and look more summery than wintery. I'll be rocking this gorgeous shade all week and getting pumped for the start of holiday season! :) 

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Hello, November!

It's finally November, meaning that Halloween is past us and it's time to look forward to Thanksgiving and my favorite holiday, Christmas! :) The weather outside was super chilly this afternoon and it's the first time I've felt like it was officially fall-winter weather. Hot chocolate weather, my favorite! <3 I was also mildly surprised, yet happy, to see the return of red Starbucks cups...this early! Once the Starbucks red cups come out, it's officially holiday season in my book. I, of course, went in to treat myself to one last Pumpkin Spice Latte before winter/holiday time officially kicks in and saw that they've brought back holiday drinks. Mmmm Gingerbread Lattes! I don't believe I saw their newest drink, Chestnut Praline Latte, but I'm super mega excited to try it when it finally hits stores!
So I worked in the morning from about 6am-2pm, and was let out early by my resident (love her!). I was planning on studying, but instead I decided to take the day off, visit my family, and just relax. It's been a rough week! I love inpatient medicine and surprisingly don't tire after 16 hours days, but it is mentally taxing and time-consuming, and I don't really get a lot of "me time" during the week most days. So it was really nice having an afternoon off to just relax my brain. I decided to paint my nails in a holiday red shade to celebrate the turning of the seasons. Okay I know it's officially still fall, but it feels like winter since every store I go into screams Christmas! I'm not complaining though. I absolutely love this time of year. It's a time full of cheer, comfort, warm drinks, and cozy sweaters :) I do hope I have enough free time these next two months to enjoy the season! It's going to be damn hard with medicine, but I'll try to make some time for holiday cheer at least.
Well anyway, time for bed. Lonnnng study day ahead tomorrow :(

Struggles of Binge Eating Disorder - #1

"We all overeat from time to time—taking an extra helping at Thanksgiving dinner or having dessert when you're already full. But for binge eaters, overeating is regular and uncontrollable. You use food to cope with stress and other negative emotions, even though afterwards you feel even worse"

Just read this article on binge eating disorder and I must say, I've never felt more closer to the truth about my condition. The truth is that mental disorders are very common in my family history. My grandmother and mother both struggled with mental issues and it has literally consumed both of their lives at times. I like to think we all have mental issues, some have it mild and others severe, but we all have something mentally wrong with us. For me, I've struggled for countless years with binge eating disorder. It's something I've been ashamed to admit, and even my family doesn't know I have an issue with eating. They think my weight gain is related to my thyroid condition, which is contributory but definitely not the main cause of my weight gain. I guess the biggest reason I've been afraid to name myself as having binge eating disorder is because it doesn't really seem like a real diagnosis. I imagine a lot of people see it as "oh that girl's just fat because she eats a lot". No, it's more than that. If I just had problems with eating a lot, then I would be okay eating lots of carrots, celery, salads, etc. But no, I have a big time issue with binge eating disorder, or as I like to call it stress-induced eating disorder. I cannot control myself around greasy, salty, junk food every single time I get so incredibly stressed most days and it's gotten to the point now where I physically and mentally cannot stop or rationalize with myself to not go out and buy greasy fried food, no matter how full I am. It's become my primary coping mechanism of dealing with all this stress. It's not healthy and something I'm very, very ashamed of. 

The definition from the site above describes my eating patterns perfectly. My overeating behavior is a daily problem. It's very uncontrollable for me, to the point where it has lapsed me into a deep hole of depression and despair because I just cannot stop myself from getting in that McDonald's drive-thru line most nights. I use food to cope with the bucket loads of stress in my life - from school, family, friends, life, my looks, everything. Everything in my life is stressful and has at times driven me into a state of depression. And yes, after each binging episode I feel guilty, fat, bloated, and horrible. 

It's really hard to see people who can just fix their bad eating habits at the drop of the hat and lose 100s of pounds within a few months. I can't do that. Everytime I make a diet plan, it fails miserably. Because most of the time, I allow myself to have that one cheat day that becomes a week of cheat days and pretty soon, a month of cheat days. Again, my chronically stressful life plays a hugeee role in this and perpetuates my eating disorder even more. My biggest problem with eating has been that I will have a great morning and afternoon, but then I will binge uncontrollably at night because I get incredibly stressed, overwhelmed, and overworked towards the end of the day. Leading to a binge eating of nearly 2000+ calories due to consumption of burgers, chicken sandwiches, fries drenched in mayonnaise, fried Asian food, noodles, fried chicken, name it. And the end result? Me gaining 10-20 pounds within the span of a few months. It's very embarrassing and it's gotten to the point where it's taking a huge toll on my mental and physical health. 

I'm honestly sick and tired of being a closet eater and I really want to fix that. I know I've sang this same tune for the past what, 5-10 years. My eating has really become a problem in the past 4 or so years, and I've failed to acknowledge it and tackle my eating disorder at it's core. Instead of switching to a diet of grains and protein and blah blah, I need to attack my problem at the core and dissociate thoughts of eating junk food with stress. I need to make sure I snack frequently and avoid large lapses of time between meals, because that will only lead to more hunger pangs and subsequent binges. Second, I need to make sure I listen to my stomach and only eat if I'm hungry. Third, I need to find better ways to cope with stress than binge eating. I need to reduce my stress, meaning less procrastination, more results, being positive and optimistic. 

I know it's going to be a tough road and I'm willing to seek therapy. I'm planning on reading the binge eating disorder article to get more tips on how to fix my problem and eventually lose all the weight I've gained. Right now, my focus is more on stopping my binging habits and adopting healthier eating habits because I hate how much I've let food take over my life. I hate being the girl with a shitty diet when all my friends have healthy eating habits. I don't want to be the adult with heart problems at the age of 40. I refuse to be a single, fat lady for the rest of my life. I want to be happy, healthy, and skinny. It's high time and I deserve at least that. I can fight this binge eating disorder because I will not let it take over my life.

I'm on Week 2 of lifestyle modifications. Expect more updates in future post. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Fall Nailpolish Picks

Zoya PixieDust in Sunshine

Revlon Nailpolish in Iconic

Revlon Nailpolish in Saucy

Essie Shearling Darling

Essie Bahama Mama

OPI Every Month is Oktoberfest

Revlon Nailpolish in Autumn Spice