Rant of the Month

The one thing I hate more than anything about medical school is feeling unsure about everything. For example, I’m currently busting my ass off in my medicine rotation but always leave at the end of the day feeling dissatisfied and feeling like my best isn’t good enough. Bottom line, I’m not sure if busting my ass and working the hardest I can is going to earn me the top grade. I’m a pretty good, enthusiastic student but I still lack a lot in terms of my assessment/plan synthesis and oral presentations. I know it’s just school and I’m still learning, but being “pretty good, but not the best” won’t earn you top grades which is what really matters. And paired with my piss-poor Step 1 score, I’m scared that I won’t end up being a resident at my dream hospital, UPMC. I’m really scared that match day is going to come in 1 ½ years and I’m going to find out that I matched in my Top 3^rd or 4^th choice. I’m fighting so damn hard to reverse my Step 1 score and kick ass at my rotations, but it really sucks when my best isn’t good enough. And the worst part is that I’m dragging myself down day by day by day, but I don’t know what opinion my attending has of me. Maybe she hates me, maybe she thinks I’m a rockstar but I won’t know until my grade is full and final. I got above average on my mid-rotation feedback form, but I don’t know if I’ve shown myself to be good enough to get bumped up to Outstanding. I guess I will just have to come in terms with being above average and try not to drag myself down day by day for it. I can’t change who I am or my skillset. I can only work to keep pushing through and kicking ass the best I can. I hope that lands me the top grade, but if it doesn’t at least I gave it a good fight :)

Oh and not to mention, I got a fricken $45 ticket for parking at my own parking lot K I parked at the meters since all the permit-only spots were taken and therefore got a bunch of tickets. I appealed and I hope they accept it, but I’m really scared that they’ll reject it and I’m going to have to shell out $45. That’s going to be terrible! But hey, happy-go-lucky attitudes here. I have a good fighting chance and even if they get rejected, it’s only $45 and I know never to repeat that mistake again.

Anyway rant over. Hopefully going to get back to beauty blogging soon!