Soul Searching

This post is going to be a rant.
I've recently started feeling quite alone and upset again. Hell, I don't even know where to begin writing this post. I feel like all my relationships are superficial and fake. I try and try and try and try to dig in deep and make lasting relationships, but they always fail. Not quite sure what's wrong with me, but every time I sit down to think, I really have nobody to depend on. No boyfriend, no best friend. I only have my family, who are amazing, but sometimes I wish I had someone else to rely on.
I know I have my own flaws. I'm actually quite well aware of them, despite what anybody else may think. But still, I try my best to be nice to everybody and get along with them, but somehow that's just never enough. I can never keep real friends no matter how hard I try.
Ever since high school, I can recall having acquintances and people I like to hang out with, but I don't remember a time when I ever had a best friend. You know, somebody I could go to with my secrets and someone who could depend on me to keep theirs. Maybe it's because I don't let anybody in, but still it would be nice to have somebody. For a while, I thought that somebody was Emma, but she's so busy with her jobs and her boyfriend that our relationship has become quite superficial. And then there's Katrina, who I thought could be my best friend. But even she found herself a boyfriend and hasn't been hanging out with me for a while. And then there's David. I thought we were good friends, but he's done some things recently to make me question otherwise and basically has diminished our relationship to one of convenience only. Even Divya, who isn't boy-crazy like other girls has somebody else now and a core group of friends that doesn't really include me. So I don't know what it is....maybe I'm an expert at driving others away. I don't exactly know. I would just like to have a single friend who is good to me, but that's become too hard to find apparently.
Just sick to my stomach really. I'm sure this post is full of grammatical mistakes but I just don't really care at this point. I don't know how to change because it's too late to make new friends. Everyone has somebody else they can rely on, except for me. I'm always alone. Still alone. Forever alone.